Fearless

My long-awaited month of family visitors is over; Munga and Char have now come and gone, and this past week my sister Sarah and her boyfriend, Payton, came and went, as well.

Lovers at Battery Spencer.

Lovers at Battery Spencer.

My house feels so empty now.

I miss them all as soon as they leave. Even when I think they might have been here a little too long, as soon as they’re out the door I want them back. They can never really be here enough.

I’m out here on the edge of the country, you see, thousands of miles from my nearest family. My sister’s debilitating fear of flying has no doubt been hard on her, but it’s been really hard on me, too. I’ve been wanting so badly for her to “get over it”; to “just try” so we could be together more. At times I’ve even demanded it.

That didn’t work out so well for me.

I was driven a little crazy by it, you see. But it was all because I really just needed to have my sister here. I really, really needed it. I’ve visited her plenty in Michigan, then in Florida, now in Washington DC – it’s just not the same. I selfishly wanted my sister to be here. In my world.

I wanted it so badly eventually I just couldn’t deal with what she was dealing with.

But she kept dealing with it. In her own way. She let me be angry from time to time and snarky more often than not, and she kept dealing with it. And eventually, she did “get over it.”

Well – maybe not all the way over it. But far enough.

She finally came to visit me again in California. And by this time, we had so much more to share. She brought her wonderful boyfriend to hang out with my husband, to stay in both of my homes; she met her “puphew.”

I had no husband, dog, or house the last time Sarah came to visit me in California. Trent and I were newly engaged, living in our apartment on Van Ness Avenue in the city, and Sarah was a single sub-30-year-old social worker from Detroit.

So yeah, this visit was a big deal. It meant a lot to me.

It’s hard to put more words around the why – I think you get it. So here are some pics of our visit; pics that capture memories I hope we’ll recreate when she comes back some day.

Some day soon.

And a tribute to Sarah, by the great Roger Waters and David Gilmour

You say the hill’s too steep to climb
Climb it.
You say you’d like to see me try
Climbing.

Sarah_HawkHill.jpg
You pick the place and I’ll choose the time
And I’ll climb
That hill in my own way.
Just wait a while for the right day.
And as I rise above the tree lines and the clouds
I look down, hearing the sound of the things you’ve said today.

Sarah_Lisa_Payton_Tree.jpg

Fearlessly the idiot faced the crowd
Smiling.
Merciless the magistrate turns ’round
Frowning.

Sarah_Payton_Lisa_CableCar.jpg
And who’s the fool who wears the crown?
And go down,
in your own way
And every day is the right day
And as you rise above the fear-lines in his brow
You look down, hearing the sound of the faces in the crowd.

Sarah_Payton_Tree.jpg

••••••••••••••••••••

See all our pics of Sarah and Payton finally(!) in California here.

 

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5 thoughts on “Fearless

  1. Margaret Wisniewski says:

    A beautiful tribute to sisters. And to family. And to the fact that distance or fear will never separate us. I thank God for all of you every day. I am a lucky mom. Love you all!

  2. Denise says:

    Nothing better than family! 😊 Sarah made the first fearless step! More fearless Sarah to come!!!!!!!!

  3. Carla says:

    Your sister looks great, really happy. Love the pics.

  4. Viola says:

    How wonderful to be able to introduce her to your places!

  5. […] Sarah and Payton in the Biiig Treees! […]

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