Bathroom: Before

This is the door to our upstairs bathroom at 3675. Yes, it’s the actual door. Upstairs, on the main floor of the house:Bathroom_Door.jpg

The last dipshits who lived here thought they would paint it, I guess, but they obviously ran out of paint. Or just ran out of steam. Or brains. Who knows.

They also didn’t install the door right, because it’s been scraping against the wall for years, making the paint job look even. more. pro. If you can believe it’s possible. 

What lies beyond the door is EVEN MORE SPECIAL! – an amazing brand of navy-blue-meets-lima-bean-green special. So, when we moved in three years ago, I wrote the bathroom a “love note” on that special, special door. Can you read what it says?


It says:

Dear Bathroom: 

I hate you. Soon, I will make you my bitch. With a new subfloor, tile,  beadboard, paint, and dual-pane window. 


Mrs. Temple

P.S. – And a sink. YOUR SICK SUCKS!

I was going to use a Sharpie but Trent stopped me. He thought it was a bit brash and, in hindsight he was right.

You see, that was three years ago now. “Soon” didn’t really come to pass. I found I hated the bathroom so much, and I had a perfectly functional (although not quite beautiful, by my standards) master bath downstairs, that I just sealed up the door and basically refused to go in there.

Except, of course, when I come in the door after a long commute home from work and I really, really have to pee.

But now the time has come to make the bathroom my bitch. 

There could be better times, for sure, because it’s also the holiday season, and I am busy as HELL at my new job, and we are headed to Europe on vacation soon, but I don’t care. We have $20,000 in the bank to turn this little freak show of a shitter into something amazing.

And period-appropriate!

Which actually means no beadboard after all – we’re going with a traditional square-edge wainscot modeled after 3675’s original upstairs trim (which we’ve been slowly restoring everywhere throughout the house). Something like this:

OMG I love it.

OMG I love it.

Here’s an example of how we might work it in a small bathroom like ours (I actually have this pic taped to the wall right now, to give me hope):

It will happen. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

It will happen. There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

(Wait – is this all over your head? *eye roll* Get educated on the difference between wainscot and beadboard here.)

We also know where you can panel a bathroom wall, where you cannot, and where, if you must, you must do it rightSomething the previous owners clearly didn’t know:

Sigh... I HATE YOU.


Oh! And we’re bringing back the amazing Best Value Home Improvement, too, so our door will definitely roll right.

So, here we go – our like 4 billionth major project on 3675, at the absolute most hectic time of year, sure to be fun because we already know the subfloor below this baby is rotten and one joist is cracked!

Shitty Bathroom of Hate: BEFORE. It's the eve of destruction...

Shitty Bathroom of Hate: BEFORE. It’s the eve of destruction…

WEE!!! Total bathroom domination!


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One thought on “Bathroom: Before

  1. Margaret Wisniewski says:

    LMAO! I think we have a little repressed bathroom anger here! Some people get road rage, but you get house rage! Ha! Ha! No wonder you never wanted anybody to go in there! Now I understand it was because you were repressing all that anxiety. Perhaps the former owners smoked a little too much dope in the Sixties. BTW, I don’t know what “beadboard” is either, but I like the “after” picture quite a bit. It looks like those bathrooms on TV. WAIT! Why don’t you get one of these TV show people on “This Old House” to do it? Drink a toast tonight on the “Eve of Destruction” because this will be the last major indoor project you will tackle, right? What WILL you do when it is over? I can’t wait to go pee in it.

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