Decisions

Spring has sprung, and mini-humans are most definitely in the air.

In the last two months, Trent and I have met three new human versions of three of our favorite couple friends – two of them born just a week apart.

Arthur Louis Braidman. Mom + Dad: Jon + Allison.

Mia Reno Mucklow. Mom + Dad: Zoe + Micah.

Christian Lee Arajs. Mom + Dad: Troy + Rhea.

We’ve gone to another baby shower, with that little human due any day now…

Celebrating the next in line: Don + Emma.

And I just put another shower for two more new parents-to-be in my calendar.

Yep! Naomi’s gonna be a mom (and James is gonna be a dad)!

I am so happy for all of these awesome, amazing people. And also…

Sigh.

A little bummed.

Because neither Trent nor I wants children. We really, really don’t. We never have – except for this brief moment when we first met. I went through this strange, inexplicable couple of years where I desperately wanted to have a baby with him. But then we got married, and got a dog, and I never thought about a baby again.

For Team Temple, there is, and only every will be, one baby:

There are many reasons why neither of us wants children; we know them and have discussed them at length. We are in perfect harmony in our logic. And we actually think our friends and family know and accept our reasoning by now. But we can’t help (or maybe, just can’t help) but feel like this is the time in life where us “childfree” people begin to separate from the parents…

Is it? I don’t know.

I really don’t want that to happen, because our decision not to have children is in no way based on a dislike of children; in fact, I love them. I spent a tremendous amount of my career on them. I love those little faces up there, already. Trent and I often talk about fostering; we just don’t want any children of our own.

Again, there are many reasons – but those only matter to Trent and I.

I’ve been struggling with the right way to go forward into a new era where I know my life will be significantly different from the lives of the people I’ve held so dear. It’s not like I’ve never had friends with kids before; I have a whole past life full of friendships, back in Michigan. All my childhood/high school/college friends had kids over a decade ago now, but something about this feels different… Maybe it’s the fact that we are older, out here on the Left Coast, and it really feels like we’ve arrived at a final crossroads: have kids now, while you still can, or live a life of – something else

I’m not exactly sure how to preserve all these friendships; I only know that I want to. And that I want their kids to be part of Trent’s and my life, as well (and vice versa). A clueless, carefree, “childfree” life it may seem, I know, but I hope I’ll prove that I have a lot to offer as a friend.

I mean, everyone needs to go to Reno once in a while, right?

 

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2 thoughts on “Decisions

  1. Margaret Wisniewski says:

    You have plenty to offer as friends! A child who has many good adult role models in his/her life will be exposed to a wide variety of people and experiences. How lucky for your friends and their children that they will have YOU! And I am guessing that your friends will appreciate those weekend getaways with you and Trent. There will be plenty of opportunities for you to share your love with others, and we will all be better off for it. Love you!

  2. I remember those years! Your eyes would get all glistening every time a cherubic toddler passed by, heh.

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